Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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