You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
