Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Randomize
