I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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