Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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