yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
