I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Randomize
