Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
