Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
