She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
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