why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
