Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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