Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
