went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Randomize
