That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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