I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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