she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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