i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
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