cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
