4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize