i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
