We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
