Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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