Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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