i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
the condom got lost in my hair
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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