you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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