It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
