you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
