Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
