For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I did not marry a roomba.
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