Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
