This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Sext me about skeletons
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
