If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
He told me they were just razor bumps!
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
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