I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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