Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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