i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
