my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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