Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
