how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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