pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
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