Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
