ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
