I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
