just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
