I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
