wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Randomize
