It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
