I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
