Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
