Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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