This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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