when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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