In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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