I just saw a hot homeless man
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
